Eleanor Rigby
by Dr.Hannah.The.Horrible
Summary: On a train ride home from Utah, Blaine encounters an unusual and mesmirizing girl with a grey past and grey eyes. He expects to never see her again, but is soon to dicover that she has strong family connections to a one Kurt Hummel. Rated T for constant swearing, spoilers for all of season 3. *Previously known as "Whole Human Being* BEATLES THEMED FIC.
1. When I Get Home

**I welcome you with love! ****This ****story ****was ****originally ****called**** "****Whole ****Human ****Being****", ****if ****you ****didn****'****t ****already ****know****, ****but ****I ****decided ****to ****start ****over ****so ****I ****could ****try ****and ****improve ****my ****writing ****as ****well ****as ****change ****some ****pieces ****of ****the ****plot line****. **

**To ****explain ****the**** "****Beatles ****Theme****" ****a ****bit ****more****: ****in ****quite ****a ****number ****of ****the ****chapters****there ****will ****be ****Beatles ****songs**** "****playing ****in ****the ****background****." ****Well****, t****hey****'****ll ****be ****narrating ****the ****story****, ****or ****connecting what's happening ****to ****the ****song; ****but ****nobody ****is ****actually ****singing ****them ****aloud****. The italicized lines that are all by themselves are the lyrics: if you don't already recognize them. ****It****'****ll ****be ****easier ****to ****show ****you ****when ****the ****time ****comes. The song used in this one is: When I Get Home (by the Beatles) I didn't use every lyric cause.. well.. I don't _have_ to :)**

* * *

"So you're on your way?"

Blaine couldn't help but smile at the worry in his voice. He knew Kurt wanted him to be happy, but also was appalled when he first said he was considering a college in Utah. The whole college choosing experience was one that seemed entirely too premature for him- not that his own choice had anything to do with it. It was his father's idea to get him to look into his own old college, as though moving to _Utah_ appealed to Blaine in the first place. It was humid (making his gelled hair constantly commit mutiny), there was practically no theatres or places that bands could play, and most significantly, there was no Kurt.

"Yes, you can calm down alright?" he smiled into his cell phone.

"I just... I hate not seeing you. You should ask the conductor to speed up the train just for you and your very lonely boyfriend,"

Blaine's heart clenched as he was reminded of another reason why he didn't like Utah: _they __aren__'__t __the __most __liberal __bunch_. It's not like Ohio was shouting "gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay", nor could he judge a whole state on only the few handful of people he met, but it was though everybody had stiffened when he mentioned that he had a boyfriend back home.

"Not quite sure that saying that would appeal to him. Besides, he may get jealous.."

He heard Kurt giggle at his end, making Blaine's head fizzle with adoration. "Somehow I doubt that. But if he's cute, give him my number," he teased.

"Pshhh". Blaine sandwiched the phone between his ear and shoulder tightly as though it was bomb and clumsily tried to hand his ticket the staff member collecting them all. Grabbing his red suitcase, he followed the clot of people who were shuffling to board the train. This was the second time he had been on a train, counting the trip out here. The first time he had felt like Harry Potter on the Hogwarts Express. But he was Blaine, not Harry, and this was Amway 815, and, unlike Harry ever was, he was really freaking homesick.

_I got a whole lot of things to tell her,_  
_When I get home._

It was a 16-hour trip but, thankfully, he could afford to get a seat in the compartments. Last trip he had gotten one all to himself, and he could only hope that he wouldn't have to share. The thought of being next to a stranger was less than appealing to Blaine, but he would endure a the full 16 hours of awkwardness if that meant he could finally get home.

"Where are you right now?" asked Kurt. It surprised Blaine; he had forgotten that he still had his phone on.

"Boarding" he grunted, heaving his big suitcase up the sharp and steep steps.

"Does that mean I have to hang up?"

"NO," Blaine almost shouted. "I mean, not for a few minutes…"

"But don't you want to find your seat?"

"What I want to do is talk to you," Blaine dropped his suitcase and it opened, spilling out a pair of pants and two bowties. He cursed before asking, "how's your day?"

"Blaine, I'm hanging up. It's late. Call me tomorrow. "

"No! No, I want..." He lost his train of thought while trying to pick up his bag, than hearing Kurt clear his throat, realised that he couldn't protest. "Fine. I love you"

"I love you too."

The moment Blaine hung up his heart shriveled up a little bit. He missed Kurt more than anyone in Ohio and his fingers were tingling with homesickness.

"Can I help you sir? We need to clear the hallway," An African-American woman in a blue uniform was looking down at him, who was already clogging up the thin hallway of the train with his spilled luggage. He hadn't realized he had completely stopped walking, his mind slowly becoming more and more vacant.

Blaine was always the type of person who denies this kind of assistance, but his frustration and homesickness was overwhelming, and placing him on the verge of tears. Just wanting to get home as quickly as possible, he let out a wispy "yeah".

_Come on, out of my way,_  
_'cause I'm gonna see my baby today,_

To Blaine's delight, when they arrived, there was no other person to share with. The empty seats were dark green with plaid stripes of blue- just like the ones on his way here. There was even, god knows why, a lock on the door.

"You can settle in" the assistant said, and hurried off to her other assistant-duties.

Blaine threw his suitcase on the floor, another bowtie tumbling out, but not bothering to pick it up. Taking his seat on one of the two "couches" on either side of the small room, he streched his feet out so they rested on the other side. The train would depart in about 3 minutes so the chances of someone quickly coming aboard were very slim. Exhaling loudly, he felt his body relax into the seat a bit more, and his mind slowly become more vacant. He slipped his phone out of his back pocket and considered the temptation of calling Kurt. _The time zones can't be _that_ different, _he told himself. _Kurt wouldn't mind another call, would he?_ Before he had really decided, his finger had already pressed the contact.

_I've got a whole lot of things I've gotta say_

"Blaine?"

"Hey, I'm in the train, so I can talk now,"

"I thought you were getting some sleep,"

"_Well__,_" he spoke in a mockingly shocked voice. "I like hearing your voice when I fall asle-" The noise that Blaine suddenly let out was an embarrassing combination of a whoop and a yelp; his whole body jumping in the air when he heard the sharp screech of the door opening followed by an even louder bang, almost tumbling out of his seat. He looked wide eyed at the source and his mouth dropped open the tiniest bit when he saw her.

There was a girl, older looking than Blaine, pressed up against the door like her whole body was super glued to it; her left hand still wrapped tightly around the doorknob. She was breathing heavily and harshly as though she was on the verge of choking. Another hand was clenched to her chest. And her clothes, some blue jeans with a massive hole in the knee and a plaid shirt that was falling off one of her thin shoulders revealing a bra strap, were absolutely filthy. Her entire body was covered with dirt and sand, along with some leaves in her hair. _Her__hair__._ It was, apart from the dirt, white. Not even _very __very __blonde_. White. It was in a messy pixie cut, with her bangs just long enough to shield her eyes from plain view but short enough that Blaine could see that they were shut tightly.

He watched her stupidly as she slumped miserably to the ground, only coming to his senses when he heard a definite click of the door lock accompanied by Kurt yells from the end of the phone asking if he was okay. His throat suddenly gripped with panic, he held the phone to his ear.

"KurtILoveYouEverythingsFineI'llTalkLaterILoveYou," he blurted in one breath, then hung up.

She still hadn't looked up at him, but her knee twitched in a way that told Blaine that she knew he was there.

The silence lasted for a couple more seconds, Blaine himself not daring to breath much less speak. His instinct told him to keep still, but his mind was whirling up theories of what the hell was happening and _oh __my __god __what __if __she __just __murdered __someone __and __is __on __the run__? __That __would __explain __the __clothes __and __the __entrance__. __Oh __hell__, __this __is __like __that __Agatha __Christie __book__- __she__'__s __all __gonna kill __us __one __by __one __and __then__, __wait __no__, __does __that __one __take __place __on __a __train __or__-_

He was only brought back to reality when the train lurched forward and a new wave of fear washed over him. The girl still wasn't moving, but he could see that he breathing had slowed, while his was inconveniently speeding up.

Finally, with a large _thunk_ she allowed her hand to fall from the doorknob; her eyes fluttering open.

Blaine had to contain a gasp when they gazes met. Her eyes were incredibly mesmerizing yet terrifying at the same time. Line with red, a blind man could even tell that she had been crying, and with that realization it hit him that the girl was albino. Blaine wasn't one to let a person's appearance affect him too much but he couldn't contain a cringe. There were already seeds planted in his mind since childhood that made her resemble a villain of some sort. It was awful, and he felt guilty for reacting so blatantly but his mind quickly went on to look at the actual color of her eyes.

Yes, they were red from crying but in the middle they were an incredibly combination of blue and grey. With the tears only adding more shine the mixture, Blaine felt as though he was being hypnotized by them; not to mentioned they reminded him eerily of Kurt's.

Her eyes, however amazing, were holding onto Blaine gaze weakly. Although peppered with curiosity, it show clearly that something was wrong. Very wrong. She dropped her eyes to the floor and Blaine practically shivered at the loss of intensity.

All you alright?  
What are you doing?  
Can I help you?  
Why are you covered in dirt?  
Are you in this compartment too?  
Why the hell did you lock the door?

Yet Blaine didn't ask any of the questions that were sifted through his head, but simply blurted the one that bubbled out of him first.

"Who are _you_?"

He didn't mean for it to come out so accusingly, and simply bit his lip while waiting for a reply; the tension still present.

She answered in a choked and sullen voice, "A-And?"

Blaine wrinkled his nose in confusion, his fear unexplainably vanishing. "_What_?' he cried.

"That... that's who I am," she answered more steadily, now holding eye contact once more, with a shine of annoyance in her eyes.

"Your name is 'And'?" he asked incredulity.

"No," she practically growled. "Its N"

"_N__?"_

"N" she repeated, closing her eyes once more.

"Oh, that...uhm, unique." Blaine wasn't trying to be as awkward as he was, but, well, the circumstances were strange.

She opened her eyes at his response, looking upset and ready to retort, but gazed at him for a moment with a look that clearly read _oh __it__'__s __just __not __worth __it_ and shut her eyes once again and slumped against the door.

_When I get home._  
_Come on if you please,_

The silence lasted for longer than Blaine would have liked, but he took the time to study... _N_, a but more. He could now see that slung around her elbow was a small, yet bright orange backpack that looked fairly empty except for a few lumps. With her head leaned back, it showed off her neck and _holy __crap __she__'__s __pale__. _Even Kurt compared to her was a significant shade difference. It was only when she opened her eyes again that he realised he had been creepily staring at her.

"It's spelled E-N," she spoke, her voice now much more clear and steady. It reminded Blaine of someone, but he couldn't quite place it.

"Your name?" he guessed.

She didn't say anything, but the was she looked at him was a confirmation that he was correct. It was though she was telepathically speaking to him. They just looked at each other, her expression changing to an unreadable one. A thought suddenly occurred to Blaine.

"Do you want to know my name?"

En didn't answer again, which annoyed Blaine, but simply stood up, and walked to the couch opposite of his, and lied down, her knees sticking up because her whole body couldn't fit, eyes glued to the ceiling and lips pressed together tightly. Blaine still hadn't sat back down since he initially jumped up, and realising this, he cautiously lowered himself onto the couch, eyes never leaving her body.

"Are you just going to ignore me the whole ti-"

"_I __need __to __think__!"_ she spoke so suddenly that caused Blaine to jump again.

He felt extremely uncomfortable with her in the room, just lying there. He wanted to just lean back and fall asleep, better yet, to get on the phone again with Kurt, but her presence was dominating; it was though she had complete control of what he could and couldn't do. But when he watched her press the heels of her hands on to her eyes and take a shaky breath, he suddenly felt as though he was imposing on something. Something was wrong, and he had a strange feeling that he couldn't do anything to help it. She was a _stranger_. _What __could __he __do__?_

He pushed back the feeling that he could still try to comfort her, he took the easier route and muttered something about "going to the bathroom" as he stood up. En didn't answer, as expected, and he slipped out of the room.

_I've got no time for trivialities,_

Blaine stood in the hallway, dumbstruck that he seemed to be kicked out of his own compartment without the other person saying practically anything to him, before whipping out his phone to call Kurt. He answered on the first ring.

"Blaine! What the he-"

"Kurt, babe, I'm sorry I had to hang up. The person I'm sharing a compartment with just walked in and scared me for a moment,"

"Well _you_ scared _me_,"

"I'm sorry,"

"It's fine... it's just nice to know you're not murdered,"

Blaine chuckled nervously as he recalled that was the same thing he was thinking mere minutes ago. "I'm fine,"

"Good, cause your death would kinda put a damper on things"

"Nice to know," he smiled.

"Alright. Now for the last time tonight, I love you, now go to sleep, and I'll pick you up at the station tomorrow morning."

_I got a whole lot of things to tell her,_

"Love you too," he spoke just as he hung up, letting another surge of homesickness roll over him.

_When I get home._

He leaned quietly against the door and sighed deeply. Usually, Blaine would be more than willing to try to comfort an upset girl that he had to share a room with for the next 16 hours, but he was just so tired and sick and couldn't find it in his bones to care all that much. Reciprocating what En had been doing just moments ago, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto the door. The only thing different was that he was interrupted within ten seconds by a frail old lady with an enormous cart of drinks.

"Sorry hun, are you in this room?" she squeaked, nodding to the door.

"Oh, um, yeah sorry," and without really thinking, he hastily opened it, revealing En still in the position when he left, although now she quickly sat up, eyes more red than ever.

The lady spoke to Blaine when she asked "Do you or your girlfriend want something to drink?"

He opened his mouth to correct her but En cut him off with a croaky voice and two words.

"Black tea?"

The lady looked shocked at En's appearance, the filthiness as well as the white, but nodded and bent down to go through her cart before asking, "and you?"

"Just some coffee," he answered shyly.

Within seconds, he was holding a scalding hot cup, practically sighing aloud into the touch. But when the old lady moved on in the hallway, Blaine realised he was once again alone with En, and the tension was back.

However, it was only him who seemed to notice it, for she was sipping her tea slowly, and letting out a closed eyed sigh. Blaine just stared at her. She couldn't be too much older than him, yet she seemed completely alien.

"You're welcome to stay..." she spoke softly, her voice only slightly wavering. It was the first time that Blaine noticed that she had a subtle southern accent.

He felt a twinge of irritation. It's not like he needed her permission to stay.

"I know you don't," she smirked slightly. _Wait__, __he __didn__'__t __say __that __out __loud __did __he__?_

His eyes narrowed at her, as though she was lying about something, and suddenly, he didn't trust her. With both hands on his cup of coffee, he tried to sit down without spilling it; it was a challenge considering the constant rumble and shaking of the train.

_Come on, let me through,_  
_I've got so many things, I've got to do,__  
_

They looked across at each other for a few seconds in silence, Blaine feeling oddly intimidated by a dirt-covered, tear-streaked, red-eyed, albino girl.

"My name's Blaine," he spoke.

She pressed her lips together and nodded, but didn't respond. His irritation morphed into accusation when he saw her eyes drift towards the window, completely ignoring Blaine.

_I've got no business being here with you_

"Why don't you talk at all?"

Her own grey eyes narrowed now, glaring into Blaine's hazel. "I'm not going to talk if I don't have anything to say," she retorted before turning back to the window, leaving Blaine still captivated.

"Are you saying that you don't have anything to say?" he questioned, eyes gleaming with curiosity.

She glared at him, but stayed silent.

"Why did you rush into the compartment when you boarded?" he asked, not really knowing why he was pushing the limits with person questions. It wasn't like him at all. Then again, he reminded himself, he hadn't been _Blaine_ all night.

"I was running late," she answered stiffly but without hesitating.

"Why?" Blaine smirked, feeling pleased that she was uncomfortable. But his satisfaction vanished instantly as her saw tears well up in her swirling eyes.

"That doesn't concern you," she spat, her voice cracking slightly on the _you_._  
_

He looked at her shocked for a moment before finding his voice once more. "Oh god, I..." he stammered over his words. "I.. why.. why are you crying?"

She pushed her white bangs to the side, pulling out a leaf in the process, before crinkling it in her pale fingers as she answered, "The regular reasons that people cry. I'm sad... I'm scared... I'm angry...I'm confused... I hate- " She suddenly choked on her own words and tears, lifting her hands so they covered her nose and mouth. Blaine felt awful as he watch a few tears roll down her dirty cheeks.

"Oh god, I'm sorry," he walked over to her and attempted to put a comforting arm around her filthy shoulder, but she didn't lean into him, making the position extremely awkward, not to mention he was still trying not to spill the burning coffee in his right hand.

"Don't apologize Blaine," she murmured through her hands, before lifting her face once more. He raised his eyes at his own name, surprised by the weird _intimacy_ of it. "It just sucks for you that you're at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Neither of the two of them knew how wrong that sentence truly was.

Blaine retracted his arm from around her helplessly, but the awkwardness seemed to be clearing a bit. "I've had a bad week, too," he spoke quietly.

She snorted into the sip of tea she had been taking and coughed a bit before smiling coldly at him. "'Betcha mine was worse."

"Enlighten me,"

Her eyes narrowed again, clearly unsure. "Gentlemen first," she practically cooed.

Blaine, now enjoying the conversation's atmosphere, got up and walked again to his couch. He looked curiously across at En. Her eyes were still bloodshot from the tears, but the grey-blue shine was overpowering. She smiled slyly, but not in a flirtatious way. Oddly enough, it was right then that he realized how incredibly beautiful she was, dirt covered or not.

"Well, I took a train out to the middle of nowhere," he started, only to be interrupted.

"Utah." She stated.

"I thought you only spoke when you had something to say?" he shot back cleverly. "All you did was repeat what I had already said."

En furrowed her eyebrows but smiled. "You just called my home state "the middle of nowhere". I was correcting you."

Blaine shrugged, still enjoying the back and forth. "_Anyway__,_ I went to _Utah_ for the week to go look at a college that I know I don't want to go to, had to endure a bunch of homop-" he stopped short. _If __this __girl__'__s __from __Utah__, __whose __to __say __she__'__s __not __just __as __much __as __a __homophobe __as __anybody __else__. _

There was a short silence before En caught on and spoke quickly, "Oh! It's cool I know you're gay."

"What? Wait.. how would yo-"

"Last time I checked, _Kurt_ is a name given to baby boys. And unless you just really care about your best friend, than he seems to be your boyfriend."

Blaine gaped at her. The only time he had even mentioned Kurt in the room is when he was blurting a goodbye to him before hanging up the phone after she first ran in. "And.. and you're okay with that?"

She furrowed her white eyebrows closer again, "Don't judge us all on a few homophobes that you encountered. I'll have you know that I am _quite_ liberal" she said, pointing at him on the work 'quite'.

"Well, yeah. I had to deal with those guys, which just pisses me off. And I was away from my boyf- Kurt, which is awful, cause I love him." He watched En raise an eyebrow, but ignored it, unsure of what to think. "And I pretty much just wasted one of my last weeks of summer vacation being miserable and alone."

En stared blankly at him for a few seconds, before sitting back on the couch, and looking at the window once more.

Blaine, in return, leaned forward. "Is that all? You're not going to say anything else?"

She met his gaze again with the smallest hint of a "bitch-please" look that reminded him achingly of Kurt as she spoke, "I won."

"What?"

"I won. I had the worse week."

"Prove it," he challenged. "For all I know, you could be lying."

"But I'm not," she replied simply.

"And you expect me to trust and believe that your telling the truth?"

"No," she answered. "But _I_ know it's true, so what else do I need?"

Blaine frowned.

"En?"

"Mmm?" she hummed, her voice seeming strained. He could tell that she was uncomfortable again, now that she was the topic of the conversation.

"We still have 15 hours and 45 minutes left on this train. Please tell me about your week."

She looked at him for a while, eyes glassy and cautious. "I don't really want to do this."

"Do what?"

"Have this cliche thing where I vent all my problems to some guy that I only just met on a train and won't ever see again."

"So you admit you have problems," he smirked.

She shifted again in her seat, looking the teenist bit upset. "We _all_ have problems Blaine,"

"Yes, but we _all_ don't show up to our train ride _right _before it's about to depart while covered in dirt and lea-"

"My mom is dead."

_I've got a whole lot of things to tell her_

Blaine choked on his own words, stunned into silence. En was staring at his with wide eyes, looking like she had just let the combination to the president's safe slip out of her mouth. He tried desperately to say something but all that came out was "But.. but.. wha-"

"She's been sick for a couple months now.. and... and then she just died. I mean, she said goodbye, but it just happened so quickly and one day she was there and then it was 'BAM' and she was just... just gone."

En took a long breath after speaking so quickly, but still Blaine couldn't form a proper response by the time she had started back up again.

"It was awful. But that wasn't the worst, cause.. cause," she swallowed. "We fought. We never got along, but the last conversation I had with her was a fight. I was so angry, god, she just..." En trailed off again in emotion, but oddly enough, there were no tears. "She.. uhm... well, she was a single parent, raising me on her own. I always asked her who my dad was cause, well, I was curious, and I had a right to be!"

Her voice was becoming increasingly more steady, and she continued on, while Blaine felt like he could crumple under everything she was telling him.

"And then she would feed me these awful lies! And I _knew_ they were lies just to get me to shut up. She once pointed to the TV screen while I was watching The Price Is Right, and told me the host was my father, and then just walked away. I'm not stupid! Did she expect me to believe that bullshit? Eventually, I tried to do research on my own, learned nothing! I knew nothing, and I _hate_ not knowing!"

She paused a moment to catch her breath and Blaine tried to digest her last few thoughts.

"So I knew she was on her last few months, so I just... I _needed_ to know. So I.. kinda.. cornered her. She still refused to tell me. _Nineteen__years_ she was _still_ trying to to hide who my father was from me. I figured he was a terrorist or in the mob, or just something horrible, but I _needed_ to know! I couldn't just go through life _not __knowing__!_ So I pressed her.. and … and...and she told me."

En paused again, taking a breath, and making Blaine realise he had been holding his own.

"She just wrote down a name and address and just... _handed __it __over__._ Just like that. Told me he was in Ohio, or at least that was where they had met and hooked up. And when she had told him that she was pregnant... he left her for some other chick. Not that they were ever together, it was just some impulsive sex and... and I'm the result."

Finally, a choked sob came from her throat.

"I got angry... cause, well.. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be a m-mistake. And I started yelling, as though that would have magically made my birth intended. I know the past can't be changed, but it's... it's as though my whole life was just a mistake. I wanted … I wanted _purpose_! And I know that accidental pregnancies happen all the time but.. but I just wanted to be wanted and welcomed to- to the world."

"En.."

"And the last thing I said to her was to 'you're not my mother,'" she choked again.

"En."

"And then... and but that's not even the wor-"

"En!"

"WHAT?"

"C'mere" he spoke softly, holding out his arms for the trembling girl.

She just stared at him for a few seconds, before practically tackling him (dropping her cup of tea blatantly on the floor as she did so) but he caught her firmly with the hand that wasn't occupied, and held her to his chest as she let out sob after sob. She was clutching his waist so hard that it hurt, but he held on tightly, whispering her name over and over. He even surprised himself when he felt his own hot tears running down the sides of his face. Blaine waited patiently for the sobs to devolve into hiccups before letting his grip loosen enough for her to look him in the eye.

"I didn't want to do that," she whispered, looking more vulnerable than ever, with her red eyes and frizzy hair.

"But didn't it feel good?" he smiled.

She furrowed her eyebrows one again. "I don't think so.."

It was his turn to frown. "Well," he sighed. "I can assure you that you had the worst week."

He watched her blue eyes look at him carefully, as though she had more to say, but didn't have enough energy to open her mouth. In lieu of speaking, she dropped her head back to his chest and gave him a strong hug. He squeezed her back in return.

Feeling another body this close wasn't something he was used too- apart from Kurt. But while Kurt was warm and inviting, En seemed to radiate coldness. It wasn't painful, but … _different__. _Exhilarating almost. Not in an _attractive_ way, but in a way that made him want to pull her closer, as though to warm her up.

The realisation hit his soundly.

He was snuggling with a stranger. Snuggling. With. A. Stranger. He expected panic to strike him yet again, but it didn't arrive. Instead, he felt a strange wave of protectiveness even though he didn't know, much less trust, the women. Strange.

"Hey En?"

"Mmm"

"Can you please tell me your real name?"

"It's En," she spoke, turning her head to the side so she wasn't speaking into his shirt.

"Why _En_?"

"It's short for Eleanor. And it's my initials.."

"Initials?"

"Mmm. Eleanor Newbury," she answered.

"Hello Eleanor Newbury. My name is Blaine Warbler Anderson," he replied.

"Pshh," she mumbled. "You just _had_ to add the middle name"

"Of course," he grinned as he felt her smile into his chest.

"Eleanor Hummel Rigby,"

Woah.

"Hummel?" he asked casually, hoping she couldn't feel his heart speeding up.

She lifted her head, her eyes concerned, although not crying any longer. "Yeah. I always though my mom just thought it was pretty, _god_ _knows_ what I was thinking, but it's actually my dads last name."

Nope. Nope. Not possible. Can't be happening. No.

"Oh?," he chuckled loosely. " Well, what's his first name?"

She sat up further, so she was no longer touching him. Slowly, she slid back to her side of the compartment, still wiping her eyes nonchalantly as she answered with unsure eyes and a hint of a scowl, "It's... Burt."

Blaine swallowed.

"Oh."

_When I get home _

* * *

**Gasp****! And SORRY, I changed this chapter.. again. I just found this song the day after I posted it, and I didn't like the idea of having the first chapter not reflect the Beatles at all so I changed it. Because I CAN! Therefore I will ;)**

**I hope it was enjoyable. I****'****ll ****be ****posting ****a ****second ****chapter ****fairly ****soon****- ****next ****Sunday ****at ****the ****very ****latest****. ****Please ****shoot ****a ****review ****if ****you ****can****; ****I ****want ****to ****hear ****your ****thoughts****!**

**Love****, ****Hann**


	2. PS I Love You

**Mornin****' ****folks**** :) ****Nothing ****new ****to ****say****, ****but ****if ****you ****missed ****it ****last ****time****, ****the ****song ****of ****the ****chapter ****will ****be ****in ****the ****italicized ****single ****lines**** (****ei****: ****the ****first ****one ****is**** "****as ****I ****write ****this ****letter****"). ****The ****song ****for ****the ****chapter ****is****.. ****you ****guessed ****it****- "****P****.****S****. ****I ****Love ****You****" (****the ****song ****will ****almost ****always ****be ****the ****title ****of ****the ****chapter****) ****Heres ****the ****link****: ****http****:/****www****. ****youtube****.****com****/ ****watch****?****v****p****41****xLRmEPoY**** (****but ****no ****spaces****) ****Enjoy****!**

* * *

Inside compartment 19 on Amtrak 815, two strangers experienced something they certainly didn't expect at the beginning of the day.

_As __I __write __this __letter__._

The gelled down, homesick boy, spent the night rambling on about his true love and discussing the misunderstood stereotype about bow ties; while the broken, introverted girl found herself spending yet another night without sleep. However, instead of her usual tossing and turning, she let herself be engrossed in tears and conversation; two things that she normally happily avoided.

And when Amtrak 815 arrived in its station, they were both overwhelmed with a feeling that had been pushed back during the long night and now bubbled to the surface.

One with absolute joy.

The other with raw fear.

_Send __my __love __to __you__._

* * *

Kurt woke up at 6:15 in the morning with ease. To anyone else in the Hummel-Hudson house, it was merely the August 22nd. No biggie. Maybe a day for Carole to go shopping, or Finn to bake some cupcakes (oh get real, they didn't want a house fire). But no. _Today_was finally the day of Blaine's return. After an endless seven days without him, Kurt love had only been magnified more than it already was.

_Remember __that __I__'__ll __always__,_

As he rushed through his morning moisturizing routine, as though that would ensue that Blaine's train would arrive any more quickly, and forced himself to sit down and stop. He was only picking up his cutie at 2, leaving him more than enough time to waste. Curling up, he decide to start biting into the_Project__Runway_ marathon he recorded a while back, but somehow, his thoughts always drifted back.

It had been no secret to anyone that after Kurt had met Blaine- he had changed. I mean, the both did, but Kurt;s whole being took a sharp turn. Not necessarily that it was originally headed in a bad place, but it's safe to say that he was changed for the better.

_Be __in __love __with __you__._

So when blaine was gone for this long, Kurt would find himself slipping back into his old skin. It was strange, but not completely unwelcome. Naturally, he had been spending an overwhelming amount of time at Mercedes house, talking about the upcoming year and more importantly, her summer fling with Sam and what exactly went down. But he would find himself wearing shirts he hadn't touched in years and singing tunes from the old New Direction days.

Needless to say, he wanted Blaine back.

The hours of the day were passing interminably and he found himself checking his phone for the time every minute or so. He was tempted to call him, but voted against it. _He__'__s__probably__sleeping__, __or__he__would__have__called__me__first_. After their last phone call, he could _hear_ the stress in Blaine's voice. Sleep would be nice for him.

_Treasure __these __few __words__ '__till __we__'__re __together_

And at 1:30, Kurt's eyes were glowing as he saw the clock. Within moments he had pratcially pranced into his Navigator.

_Keep __all __my __love __forever_

Though, as he pulled out of the driveway in his navigator, the his thoughts from earlier that day only seemed to haunt him. It was merely a few weeks ago that he had proposed the idea of Blaine's transfer. He completely understood the desire to be with your friends (it was the same desire that had lead Kurt back to McKinley last year), but he just _needed_Blaine to be with him. Blaine had been, understandably, on edge about the whole thing, and naturally, Kurt gave him time to think about it. He didn't want to press him for answers, but he _really_ wanted an answer.

_P__.__S__. __I __love __you_

But currently, he was trying to focus on the fact that within an hour, he would have his love in his arms.

_You__, __you__, __you_

And yet, an _hour_later, Kurt was trying to push down the feeling of impatience;it had been _twenty_ minutes since Blaine's train was supposedly here. Kurt himself was exhausted, from lack of sleep of course, but more importantly, from lack of Blaine. He _ached_ to see his boyfriend's goofy smile.

He leaned on his tiptoes to look over the heads of the surprisingly crowded room. Who knew that so many people would actually want to go to _Utah_? With no luck, he fell flat once more. _This __is __what __I __get __for __having __a __boyfriend__ 3 __feet __under __the __average __height __of __an __eight__-__year__-__old__._

Kurt's week had been just below awful. Yes, it was nice to hang out with Mercedes and Tina a bit more often, but they simply weren't Blaine

Sitting back down on the bench, he crossed his legs refindly. Honestly, if he had to spend five more minutes in this filthy place he was going-

All thoughts that were in the process were simply cut short at the sight of Blaine.

_I__'__ll __be __coming __home __again __to __you__, __love_

_And__ '__till __the __day __I __do__..._

He was carrying his red bag casually over his shoulder, but in such a way that he looked like he was modeling. His navy blue polo hugged his body tightly so the well defined muscles could be easily made out. And his tan skin had darkened considerably, leaving the smallest of a shade difference where his sunglasses had most likely been. Kurt knew he had a pair of pink ones that he tried to wear all the time. He only stopped because one day at the mall, a group of idiots stole them and happily proceeded to crack them in half down the center. Being Blaine, he had wanted to scotch tape them up like in Harry Potter, but Kurt insisted that they just buy some new ones instead. Blaine didn't wear them much in Ohio, so Kurt knew he was excited to have them on all the time while in Utah.

He still hadn't spotted Kurt, and was muttering worriedly to himself, as he looked around; eyebrows furrowed in a tight line. But, _dear __god__,_ the way his eyes shined with fireworks when they met his own.

At Edward Cullen speed, they were flush together and Kurt had never been hugged so tightly before. It was though a sumo wrestler... or dragon... or... or... his thoughts just melted when he was around Blaine.

"Blaine, god, I missed you."

_P__.__S__. __I __love __you_

The other boy answered with a fiery kiss, so strong that Kurt started to lean back onto the bench behind him. Without any hesitation, Blaine slipped his tongue into his mouth and Kurt's knees almost buckled, for the ache he had been feeling before had now doubled. He let out an involuntary moan; it was the first time that he had tasted Blaine for a week, and hell, he tasted amazing. However, he was aware of the many eyes focused on them and he suddenly came back to his senses. They had _never_ showed this much affection in a perfectly public place, and he didn't want some oncoming slurs to ruin their great reunion, so with a sturdy hand, Kurt attempted to push him off. Blaine, having none of that and still seeking more, pulled him tighter into his muscular arms- determined to not be moved. Kurt struggled against the solid grip around his waist. _God__, __please __don't __let __some __homophobe __morons __pass __by_, he thought. It wasn't until Blaine surfaced for air that Kurt had the chance to gasp, "Blaine please!" that he finally obliged.

Blaine pressed his forehead to his. smiling as he breathed, "I just missed you so much Kurt"

_You__, __You__, __You_

Kurt was panting and blushing furiously, but was so incredibly happy to have Blaine back. He intertwined their fingers tightly between their bodies. "And I said I missed you too" he smiled. "But not _here__." _There were still many people staring blatantly at them. "C'mon let's just go to the car."

Blaine gave him a tired but loving smile and nodded. It wasn't the goofy smile that Kurt had been looking for, but it made his heart flip all the same.

_Send __my __love __to __you_

He seemed to remember that they were in public too, for Blaine didn't try to do more than an occasional hand brush or hip bump as they walked out of the station. Although, every once and awhile he would turn around and look at him with those ginormous golden eyes and it was though Kurt could feel the love and anticipation radiating off of him.

Turns out he had a good reason because the moment that Kurt had opened the back door and threw his bag into the backseat, he turned around just to be slammed into the car by Blaine. Their lips were crushed together and Blaine's calloused hands were immediately on his hips just brushing the bare skin between Kurt's shirt and pants. Every drop of restraint that Kurt had been holding was flushed out of him at the contact. The kiss wasn't desperate; at first it was slow, yet bursting with passion- but as they continued, it began to pick up speed. Before long their tongues were dancing and massaging one another, while Kurt's arms slipped around Blaine's neck and into the forest of black curls that oddly enough, weren't gelled.

Blaine body pressed harder and harder into Kurt's before he realized that the backdoor of the car was still open. Kurt broke off the kiss for just enough time so he could pull the two of them into the backseat without hitting their heads. When they reattached, it continued on- but not for too long. To feel Blaine's weight on him was heavenly but he still craved more. As lips traced down Kurt jawline, goose bumps blossomed on his skin. A week of not seeing his face was as close to hell as Kurt ever wanted to be, and he thought they deserved to enjoy the heaven now. He could feel Blaine's heartbeat more clearly than anything else and he just wanted to velcro his body to his own-.

But suddenly, Blaine pulled back. His eyes met Kurt's and they just stared at each other for a moment, as though in shock.

_Remember_

"I love you." Blaine said as though he just remembered.

_That__'__ll __always__, __be __in __love __with __you_

Kurt sat up a bit so he could get a better view of his boyfriend. "I love you too," he answered, receiving one of those goofy, in love, smiles that he was hoping for, as well as another deep but brief kiss.

Giggling, he grasped Blaine's hand lovingly and kissed the fingertips. "I hope you don't just do this to everyone you share a vehicle with," he joked. "Or I might have to have a talk with that roommate who scared you so much."

As though someone had flipped a light switch, Blaine's gaze transformed from love to concern. Or was it guilt? He shifted so his weight wasn't completely on top of him, while Kurt was suddenly aware of the dark circles around his eyes and thought again how is hair_wasn__'__t__gelled__. _He sat up completely.

"What is it?" he asked sharply.

"I'm tired." Blaine murmured.

"Oh please, everyone knows that that's code for 'I'm not okay'".

Blaine looked at him, his golden eyes seeming hurt and conflicted. "No really, I _am_ tired. I never got to sleep on the train, and..." he broke off in thought.

Kurt felt a bullet of panic as he coaxed him on, "And?"

Blaine looked at him with equal panic when he spoke quickly as he answered. "No no, everyone's.. I mean.. everything's okay. _I__'__m_okay. Its just... I've... I have been thinking, Kurt." He paused a long while. The silence was painful to be in. He could see the gears in his boyfriend's head turning. The panic that was once lodge in Kurt's throat was now coursing all throughout his body. _That_ was the opening line to a breakup- he had watched enough movies to know that.

Kurt almost cried in relief when Blaine finally answered.

"I didn't see you all week, and it was the worst week of my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do when you leave for college."

_I__'__ll __be __coming __home __again __to __you__, __love_

Kurt smiled warmly. "We have a whole year okay? We'll cross that bridge when we come to it sweetie," He stroked Blaine's cheek and the boy buried his face in Kurt's palm. "And I can't believe you didn't get any sleep. You look terrible."

_And__ '__till __the __day __I __do_

"I love you too."

Kurt chuckled. "C'mon, get up. Front seat," he demanded.

Blaine did what he was told without question, and by the time they were out of the parking lot, he was fast asleep against Kurt's shoulder. He honestly did look absolutely exhausted.

His cheek was burning against Kurt's shoulder, not just body warmth, but actual heat that stung after a while.

Yet as hot as Blaine was (in both ways of course), Kurt couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't being completely honest with what was bugging him. His mood retracted from so fierce to completely limp. Kurt would be lying if he said it wasn't suspicious. It wasn't as though he didn't trust Blaine- his boyfriend was one of the few people that Kurt actually _did_ trust- but there was something else.

But how could he focus on that "something else" when he'd finally been united with the one he was in so very love with, and the first day of his senior year was only a week away? Sure, Blaine had never given an answer to Kurt's request that he transfer to McKinley, which is completely understandable, but he still had his hopes.

Feeling sentimental, he popped in the CD mix that Blaine had made him last four their five month anniversary- which just happened to land on the day Blaine had left for Utah. He had had it one replay all week. Making sure that it was turned down low enough not to wake his sleeping love, he pressed play, trying to keep quiet; he even went as far to not sing along.

_P__.__S__._

But even though he was expecting it, on the first track a few chords of Blackbird started to play and Kurt felt a yank in his chest. Over the summer, he discovered how much Blaine honestly meant to him. When they were in New York for Nationals, he thought he knew he wanted to live there for the rest of his life, but on the off chance Blaine wouldn't be behind him, would it be worth it?

_I __love __you__._

"Kurt?"

Kurt jumped at the voice. Blaine hadn't moved for a while, but apparently wasn't asleep.

"Yes, Blaine?"

The silence rang with the words of the Beatles.

_You__. _

"I really love you."

_You__._

"I really love you too."

_You__. _

Blaine pressed his face into the side of Kurt's bicep, kissed it, and then went back into sleeping position.

He felt another sharp yank in his chest and pressure start to involuntarily build around his eyes.

"Don't cry," Blaine whispered.

"I'm not." Kurt lied. Blaine couldn't see his face, so how did he know that? But the dark haired boy didn't answer back for a very long.

"I hope you had a good week, Kurt"

"It could've been better.."

"Betcha' mine was worse," he answered with an almost sharp tone. "I mean, I bet there are people all over the world who have had horrible week; much worse than mine." It surprised Kurt, the dark thought.

He laughed a bit nervously.. "Where do you get these ideas?"

"I dunno… Utah?"

"Well, we can agree that you're never going back there again."

"I think she's was alright..."

"What?" Kurt gasped. Did he just hear him say…?

"I said _it_was alright. Utah takes a lot of crap, but it could be worse.."

Kurt paused.

"Oh. Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it," he said finally.

"I didn't. It's really hard to enjoy things when your missing people."

Kurt's smiled in a tight line. "Goodnight Blaine. You should get some sleep."

Blaine pressed his nose again into his arm. "I love you Kurt. I'm not going to leave this." he declared. He spoke so firmly it sent a bolt of worry through Kurt.

"I know," he affirmed. "I love you too."

_I __love __you__._

* * *

**I****'****m ****enjoying ****writing ****this****- ****its ****nice ****to ****discover ****new ****Beatles ****songs ****that ****I ****didn****'****t ****know ****existed**** (****and ****holy s****hit****, ****theres ****a ****lot ****of ****them****). ****Which ****brings ****me ****to ****my ****next ****topic****; ****I ****know ****that ****sometimes ****I ****won****'****t ****find ****songs ****that ****fit ****the ****story line ****so ****I ****may ****cut ****certain ****lines ****out**** (****example****- ****this ****one****) ****so ****don****'****t ****freak ****if ****you ****see ****that****. ****It ****s****'****all ****good**** :)**

**Oh ****and ****I ****have ****no ****idea ****when ****Ohio k****ids ****go ****back ****to ****school****, ****but I****'****m ****on ****the ****East ****Coast ****and ****we****'****re ****not ****back ****until ****September ****so ****I****'****m ****just ****going ****with ****that****!**

**I****'****ll ****update ****within ****the ****next ****week****. ****But ****I ****don****'****t ****want ****to ****make ****an ****extremely ****strict ****schedule ****just ****because ****I ****want ****to ****keep ****this ****from ****morphing ****into ****something ****that ****stresses ****me ****out**** (****which ****can ****happen****). **

**PLEASE **_**review**_**: ****just ****a ****red ****flag ****to ****know ****that ****people ****are ****reading ****would ****be ****MORE ****than ****lovely**** :)**


	3. Fixing A Hole

**These past days have been absolutely cray-cray, so I apologize in advance for the inevitable typos. This chapter gives some background on Eleanor and what happens to her after she gets off the train, cause y'know, she's pretty significant. (She also swears a lot) I hope y'all like her :) WARNING: Suicidal thoughts/flashbacks**

* * *

"I guess this is goodbye then?" he spoke as though it was a question.

En gave a small smile- a face that she had made often while staying up all night with Blaine. "Good observation," she mocked. "Now get lost, Kurt'll be upset if you make him wait any longer."

She watched his eyes light up as he remembered that he was going to see his boyfriend and how he made the slightest twitch in the direction of the exit.

"Maybe, I'll see you around? Ohio's a small state right?".

She scrunched up her nose. "Naw," she explained. "that's not how this is going to work."

He raised a triangular eyebrow. "What makes you so sure?"

"I'm an expert in one night stands," she laughed hollowly at the truth of it.

"So _that's_ what this was? Kurt will get jealous," he smiled.

She laughed in return. Being around Blaine seemed so natural. En had all these defensive walls lined up for anybody who wanted a word from her, so when he had easily pushed them all aside... well... to put it simply; it scared the fuck out of her. She _didn't_ want to see Blaine again; his presence made her feel vulnerable and weak- although he made her happy. Happier than she's been in a long time.

_I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in_

_And stops my mind from wandering_

"Yep. One night stand," she huffed. "Now get lost."

He gave her an exhausted sideways smile. "That was a of a plain way of saying goodbye, don't you think?"

"Well, I'm a plain person."

"I disagree."

And with that he pulled her into a tight hug. She gasped for breath at first before returning the embrace by putting her arms around his neck and squeezing. She had gotten plenty of hugs since her mom had died. but they all derived from pity and sadness. But being in his muscular arms just for a moment made her feel protected from the world and how goddamn horrible it was. The tightness of the hug was very much appreciated. She could practically feel the kindness and warmth seeping into her. She felt safe.

_I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door_

_And kept my mind from wandering_

"Good luck Eleanor," he whispered into her shoulder. "I'll see you soon."

She didn't have the heart to tell him that seeing each other again would be highly unlikely to impossible, _again_.

"Get lost Warbler," she spoke, lips brushing across his neck involuntarily, before pulling back to look at him.

_Where it will go.._

He smiled warily at her, his eyes shining over, and she got a strange feeling that he had something to say, but if he did, he chose to keep quiet.

She fought back the emotion climbing up her throat as he squeezed her shoulders.

And with that he was gone.

The loneliness, as well as lack of heat, suddenly rang in her ears. It was though his leaving just sucked every ounce of comfort out of her. The exhaustion and lack of sleep for the past week came smashing into her all at once; her head throbbing with emotion. The feeling was becoming eerily familiar.

En bit her lip and exhaled softly. It was time to take the next step.

_And it doesn't matter I'm wrong_

Her only bag wasn't much more than an orange ratty backpack but as dignified as possible, she walked through the train station and hailed a taxi. One picked her up immediately.

_I'm right_

"C'mon in, as long as you don't mind me smokin,'" The man gruffed a pudgy black man from the driver's seat, when he rolled down the window. He only flinched slightly at the sight of her, but En learned not to give a fuck that people cared about her albinism. She looked blandly, borderline of a glare, at him through her frizzy side bangs for a moment before climbing in.

"Where to hun?"

"Lima" she said coldly. She was aware of the fact she was being so unfriendly, but her emotions were so stiff right now she couldn't bother with kindness.

The man pulled out a new cigarette after flicking his old one out the window. "You want a light lady?"

_Where I belong I'm right.._

En bit her a cheek for a moment. "Yeah, sure," she replied taking a cigarette from his hand. Smoking wasn't really a habit for her, but it was something that her mother used to do constantly and En only found herself doing it when she was stressed. And yes. At the moment, she was most certainly stressed.

_Where I belong.._

"Alright then. What'cha name?"

En grunted. She wanted to be _alone_ with her thoughts right now. "Eleanor."

"Huh, you don't look like an Eleanor."

_See the people standing there who disagree and never win.._

She didn't reply. For reasons unknown, she rarely told people to call her En. It was though "En" was a comfortable little part of who "Eleanor" was. It haunted her why she had told Blaine to call her En.

_And they wonder why they never get through my door.._

As the taxi pulled out of the parking lot, a slimy hand felt like it was curling around her lungs.

This was really happening.

The last week of her life had driven her to incredible heights. She started to tremble as she recalled the minutes before she had boarded that train, and how she was lying down on her back in the middle of the tracks. This pressure of the world had broken her and thrown her heart in thousands of directions so they couldn't be able to glue themselves back together. So why would it be so bad if it just stopped beating? It's not like anybody actually would notice, well, maybe the people on the train that was supposed to be coming any minute now, but they would get over it. Overall, it would benefit her. There would be no more worrying, and she could sleep for as long as she desired. Eternal sleep, that sounded really nice right now..

_I'm painting the room in a colorful way.._

"So are you from the south Eleanor? Got yourself an accent."

En's fingers twitched as she awoke from the lull and she sharply breathed in fear.

_And when my mind is wandering_

_There I will go.._

"Mmm" she replied, feeling incredibly uncomfortable and nervous, as though maybe he could read her thoughts and memories of what she tried to do.

But she promised herself she wouldn't fall into that again. Her personal restraint and ambition was what saved her. For as she waiting for the train to come and take her life, she saw the stars, and - to put it simply- was consumed with love. Not love for life, or anyone in particular, and god knows it wasn't love for herself. But the love that willed her to hoist herself up from the oncoming death was love for outer space. _It isn't silly_ she told herself. For as long as she could remember she wanted nothing more than to take a step on the moon. To be Neil Armstrong. It was her life dream, and she didn't believe in god nor an afterlife, so if that train came to take her life it would be over. Her dream would be over... and that dream was really the only things that she _did _feel love for.

Then again, to dream would imply to sleep.

_And it doesn't really matter if I'm wrong or right.._

Her last good night sleep was before graduation, and since it has been constant waking up and worrying. She learned to live off tea and adrenaline, but her sanity needed to recharge. As tired as she was, there was no possible way she would sleep. Not when her father, this _family,_ was so close.

Maybe they were having breakfast this very moment?_ Oh, but what if they all sleep late? I don't sleep late, is that a problem? Why would it? I'm not going to live with them. Would they expect me to? Aw fuck. _She held her head in her hands hopelessly; attempting to calm herself.

_Where I belong I'm right..._

Sure, she had come up with speech after speech that she would give when she saw her father, and how she wasn't looking for his love or hospitality, just his presence. He didn't even know she _existed_. This whole plan was thrust upon her barely a week ago and within that week... well... a _whole_ lot of shit had gone down. She needed time to think and collect her thoughts, and this forty five minute taxi ride would not be nearly enough.

It was terrifying; the way fear had completely controlled her for these past days. Every day was a struggle against the unknown force that was trying to make her fall. She was strong, and she knew it, but strength isn't endless. It was though she was on an escalator heading downward, and she could turn her back and walk upwards, but eventually her knees would fall out from exhaustion and she would arrive where it was taking her. So was it worth the battle if she's just gonna lose anyway?

It wasn't like En didn't know the _correct _ answer. But it just didn't seem _right._

_Where I belong..._

The rain started to dribble on the windshield of the taxi and she looked at it with wonder. _Okay, I was kidding before. The only things I love are outer space and _rain. It was literally, the basis of life falling from the freaking sky! Incredible. And it was rare in Utah; the majority of their weather was sun, or dry thunderstorms. Not many people knew, but En actually _loathed_ thunderstorms. _Loathed. Not feared,_ she assured herself uncertainty. En hated to be afraid.

Her mind wandered again to Blaine.

_Silly people run around they worry me..._

Taking a long drag, she wondered what he was doing. Probably with his boyfriend off driving somewhere. He always would get that lopsided smile when he talked about him, Kurt. It was easy to see that he had fallen hard for this guy. Just for a moment, she exhaled the smoke with happiness. Blaine was really the only nice thing that happened to her this whole week she owed him for his kindness. She wondered if he would ever think about her again. Probably. En knew that she wasn't easy to forget.

_And never ask me why they don't get past my door..._

After inhaling the cigarette sharply, she stuck her head out the window; welcoming the harsh winds. Twisting her head to look upwards, she ignored the strange look she got from the driver.

Right there, the rain clouds parted and she could see Orion's belt fading in the stars. Strange, the stars were still out at this time, but she supposed it was one more thing to like about Ohio. It was simple to distinguish the constellation between all the other stars in the sky. She had majored in astronomy for four years and she never regretted it. People had warned her that this was a dangerously high dream. Like, when little kids want to be a super model or the president. One day, in her junior year of high school, she even came home certain she could never be an astronaut.

_"Mom," she had said. "I'm going to be a lawyer."_

_"...M'kay," her mom had replied._

In the taxi cab, her heart cramped while replaying her mother's voice; a lost sound. It wasn't a pretty sound, but the fact it was extinct made everything more raw.

_"What happened to wanting to be the next Neil?"_

_"God, mom. That's just unrealistic. I mean, where do you even get a job like that?."_

_"You'd be surprised."_

_"Please mom,"_

_"Hey, I just need you to be happy,"_

_"Well, why wouldn't I be?"_

She knew the answer now: because being a lawyer, isn't being an astronaut.

And she loved space. She could never get over the fact that everyone in the whole world was looking at the same stars. Her mother and her father both were. So was Blaine.

When she exhaled again, relaxing her body, and in turn accidentally letting the cigarette slip from her fingers. "Fuck," she muttered. She had been enjoying that.

En pulled back and slumped in her seat once more, feeling numb. So many emotions were tingling through and it made her whole body ache. Like when you mix all the paints together, you just come up with this mucky grey that isn't good for anything. Right now, apart from being really pale and white, she was mucky grey. Though only one thought really made it to the top of her brain.

_It's so freaking cold in here._

"Can I turn the heat on?" she asked the cabby reaching for the dashboard.

"In August? I don't think so honey…"

Her pale hand retracted from the knob and she didn't reply. There was really no point in wasting her breath to tell him that she understood when clearly, she did.

She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, desperate from sleep. But it never came. Every time she saw the darkness, her mind raced towards what was ahead of her on this escalator of life. She planned out her response to every possible her dad could say to her. So that was how it went for the next upcoming forty-five minutes. When she thought she was drifting into sleep, immediately, as though a pin pricked her, she was wide-awake. The restless cycle never stopped, until the cab stopped.

"Here we are honey," the cabby grunted.

She was positive she hadn't fallen asleep, but that seemed to go by incredibly quickly. Blinking rapidly, she looked out the foggy window and caught her breath, petrified. There was the Hummel house, up to the stone walkway mere yards away from her.

"Hey," he scoffed again, clearly impatient. _Like he actually has people waiting for him. _Silently, she slid her card through the scanner and didn't even look at the cost of the trip.

With her bag tightened on her thin back, she cautiously stepped out the door as though if she made a wrong move the she would be struck by lightning. She was light on her feet; floating with every step. That is, until the cab drove away.

Once again, she was alone.

_I'm taking my time for a number of things..._

The terror had never been so sharp and acute. It was though her heart had popped and her whole body shut down. Suddenly, a new kind of adrenaline started to pump through her body, unlike any kind before. She was aware of the fact she was trembling, but her feet didn't budge.

Courage_._

_That weren't important yesterday..._

That's what Blaine had told her. Courage, courage, she repeated to herself before biting her tongue so hard that it shocked her body into taking a first step.

She took one step at a time before she was facing the door directly. The doorbell fell to the perfect height compared to her left hand. All she had to do was push. And then her fingers were brushing the plastic, when something caught her eye. Through the lacy curtains on the window to the right of the door, she saw a figure. He was in a plaid shirt, like herself, and jeans. He was bent sideways, and seemed to be looking at the buttons on a TV. She only saw his back, but that was all she needed to see. Suddenly, everything that terrified her became tangible, and _so_ much more terrifying.

Within a fraction of a second, all of the fear she had ever felt was released. She was shining with energy and she used it by doing the only thing she could think of.

She ran.

_And I still go..._

It wasn't even I'm-trying-to-win-a-race running it was there-is-a-murderer-behind-me-and-if-I-stop-the-world-will-swallow-me-up running. She didn't stop.

She _couldn't_ stop moving her legs, not that she actually tried, because all her mind was telling her was to put as much distance between her and that house as possible. She ran through lawn after lawn, her boots clicking and her backpack bouncing on her back with each step. Her bangs were fluttering in her eyes, making her blink twice as often, while the rest of her pixie cut rippled in the wind. The air was so cold it stung her eyes and it became impossible to see. Her legs were moving faster than she could handle and her balance was wobbly. She felt incredibly unstable, emotionally as well as physically.

_I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in..._

And as she turned another corner onto another street she finally slipped into a puddle of dirt and mud; her arms too tired to catch herself this hitting her chin painfully on the gravel. She hadn't even noticed that it was now pouring down. But she couldn't find the energy to care.

_And stops my mind from wandering..._

So there she sat. Coughing and heaving in muddy water, her clothes completely soaked and sticking against her skin. She pressed her forehead harshly into the ground. Rocks were pushed against her skin and it was painful, but a million times less painful than the emotion coursing through her.

Never had she ever felt so helpless or so unwanted in her whole life.

And most of all, never had she felt so cowardly.

She didn't deserve what life was giving her, and she couldn't take care of herself. She couldn't handle any of it.

But what she didn't deserve was to cry.

So she did.

_Where it will gooo..._

* * *

**A/N: Woah. Intense. Anyway, tell me what you think of En. She's not Klaine, true, but hey.. And this is one of my favorite Beatles songs. Link: youtube watch?v=10vU7Qo-NlU**

**I didn't edit this chapter as much compared to the original copy cause I like it. Oh and review :) ? **


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